I still remember the day when I found the orange watercolor stain on my pants.

I was about to go to my next class when a student noticed it and asked me, “Why is it like that?”

I looked down and realized there was watercolor paint on my pants.

My first reaction was disbelief.

How did this happen?

I took a picture immediately and reported it to the school. However, without evidence, there was not much the school could do.

After that, I kept asking myself the same question:

What did I do wrong?

When I was teaching at a school in Japan, I was a fourth-grade homeroom teacher and also taught English to students from first to sixth grade.

As a new teacher, I wanted to build a good relationship with my students. I wanted them to feel comfortable in my classroom and trust me as their teacher.

However, that sixth-grade class was unlike any class I had taught before.

From the beginning, I noticed that some students were not responding to me the way I expected. They knew I was not fluent in Japanese, and sometimes they would speak about me when they thought I could not understand.

When I turned around to write on the board, I saw them making rude gestures behind me.

Some students also found ways to challenge me, including reporting things that I did not say in class.

There were also moments that were difficult to explain. I found pieces of paper in my coat pocket. I found my clothes damaged during class.

Each time something happened, I looked at myself first.

Was I too strict?

Was I too difficult to approach?

Was there something I could have done differently?

I tried to adjust my approach.

At the beginning, I believed students had responsibilities in the classroom. They needed to behave well and respect others.

But I also wanted to understand what was happening.

I became more flexible. I gave students more freedom. If I asked them to repeat something together and nobody responded, I stopped asking again and again.

I wondered if changing my approach could improve our relationship.

But the situation did not change.

After that semester, I decided to leave the school.

Even after I left, I kept thinking about that experience.

I questioned myself as a teacher.

Maybe I had done something wrong.

Maybe I was not the kind of teacher my students wanted.

It took me months to look back at the situation differently.

I went through everything I had done during that time.

I prepared my lessons.

I tried to understand my students.

I adjusted when I thought something needed to change.

I realized that I had honestly looked at my own actions.

I still believe teachers should reflect on themselves.

There are always things we can improve.

But I also learned that we cannot carry every difficult experience as proof that we failed.

I know I could have done things differently. Every teacher can.

But I also know that I tried my best with what I understood at that time.

Sometimes, we have to recognize what we have done, accept what we cannot change, and continue moving forward.